Am I Being Selfish?
I did something very ballsy. I took a leave from my shitty job to "figure things out."
I am very lucky. I have the support of my awesome partner, and his willingness to carry the family while I figure things out, albeit only temporarily due to our financial circumstance.
Just to clarify, we are not rich. We aren't even comfortable. We have something is savings to get by, as well as a steady stream of gigs, but this is still scary territory. And normally I don't make gambles like this. Before children, I would have loved this kind of adventure. But that's just it. I have children now. I've had the same job since I've been a parent, over ten years, at the same location, and sadly, maybe close to the same pay. But it's a full time job with consistent money, and of course, insurance makes the bitterness a little sweeter.
So what changed? "Company restructuring." They took my full time position. They took my consistent money. They took my insurance. One of my weekly schedules was 9 hours over 3 days. Are you kidding me? I live 20-25 minutes away. That's not even worth the gas.
I could get another job just like it. There's so many other places closer to where I live. But it would be the same job. The same trap. This could be my opportunity to find a new and better path. I'm not giving my self forever though. Savings and gigs will only get us so far on it's on. But, what the hell, nothing inspires more than desperation.
On the other hand, would it be selfish of me to make my family endure some kind of premature mid-life crisis?
Maybe. But what if it's not just for me? What if it is for my family? For my daughters?
I hope against all hope that I find something that makes me happier while making more money for all of us. Doesn't everyone? But it's not just about the money. I want to set an example for those three girls. I'm not sure what they'll take from this little experiment. It's never too late? Don't give up? Bet on yourself? Whatever it is, I hope it's positive.
Or maybe years from now, they'll look back and say, "Remember that summer Mom lost her mind and wouldn't go back to work? That was weird."