• slackMOM

"Meltdown" Entitlement

It's only be two days. Day one started with great hope and promise. There was a shit ton I accomplished. A website. Signing up for drone classes. I even organized my closet and pantry. I went to bed feeling like a superstar.

Day two. I lost my temper and repeatedly hid in my room to cry. Needless to say, the stress is getting to me. We're struggling to get our car to work, which is aggravating. It's a necessity nowadays for so many reasons, like sanity. The girls have been cooped up in our tiny apartment. Even the toddler is getting a little mean. I can't wait for the day I can just take them to that nice park down the road and let them run crazy in the field. Then I'll force them to play so hard they won't even be able to stay awake on the way home in the car.

They other more important reason is I've never been unemployed, even voluntarily. Well, except for the time in my early twenties when I quit a waitressing job, and I didn't find a new one for 3 months because I just wanted to play Final Fantasy 10 uninterrupted. I knew back then how to save for a rainy day. Okay, not so much a rainy day and more like 90 lazy days, but I was prepared. This time, though, I have three little humans depending on me. It's a lot scarier with someone else's fate in your hands.

Even after a few promising interviews landed in my lap, and the mechanic saying he might be able to fix it, I kept getting frustrated. I kept hiding in my room to cry. That's ok though. I think the day before I just put to much pressure on myself. I was being too positive, and not realistic. Eventually I felt better. I just have to realize it's okay to get aggravated. It's to have a meltdown. And it's okay to steal one of your kid's Easter candy stashes and lock yourself in the bathroom under the illusion that your taking a shower. Just don't leave any evidence in the trash can.

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